Things Not to Say to a Military Spouse...

I ran across this and like some if it....(sorry about some of the language.)

Things NOT to say to a military spouse.

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.) - Here's what i have to say about it...He's my husband. I support him in anything he does. That's the bottom line. You would do the same. Right?

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.) -Things are getting worse in Afghanistan than they are in Iraq...FYI

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.) - True story. If they didn't let him come home with he was in South Carolina for Jenna's birth, what makes you think they would fly him half way around the world for one?

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. For those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

6."How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is REALLY annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.) - Matt is one of them. We will always be military family. Always.

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.) - I can't imagine ever getting used to him being gone...ever.

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(OK. Do NOT equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do NOT feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)

9."Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.) - You have no idea.

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.) - Amen.

12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most 'normal' relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

13. "Well in my opinion....."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.) - And pray for them. They need it.

Washington

Matt is in Washington DC this week. His unit got sent up there for the Presidential Inauguration. He didn't get to do as much as he had hoped. They were mainly there for backup. Some of them got to go out but since Matt is a mechanic he was left behind "just in case." They stayed at what used to be an elementary school. No showers. But they made it work. Luckily he got to go out today and tour Washington. I think he loved it! He really likes American History. I'm so happy that he has the opportunity to see so many places because of the Army. He was there on his birthday and I'm sure it'll be one he'll never forget. He took a camera up there with him so when he gets back if there are any good pics, I'll post them. He did send me some from his phone. Here's a good one...

He gets back tomorrow. But he leaves Friday morning from Chattanooga for South Carolina for WLC(Warrior Leaders Course). I don't know much about it. I do know it will help him get his next rank(E-5) and he thinks the first couple of days will be like BCT(Basic Training), which means we won't hear from him and they'll be all in his face yelling and making him do a million push ups. Don't let him fool you, he lives for that kind of stuff. His goal is to be a drill sgt. I can totally see that happening. Anyways, so we will get to see him for less than 24 hours and then he'll be gone for 2 weeks. It's what they call the "Guard Turn Around."

Jenna is missing him so much! My sister is staying with us while he's gone. Lindsey was sleeping on Matt's side of the bed and Jenna looked and me and said "Daddy Bed!" She also thinks every time we hear a car pull up that its him and she runs to the window and yells for Daddy. So sweet. I know she doesn't understand why he has to be gone. I hate that part! Maybe its just preparing us for when he leaves this summer for a year...

Me and Jenna are making it without him. I'm so happy Lindsey is staying with us and we have spent a lot of time at my parent's house. Matt's parents have gotten Jenna a couple of times so that I can have a break. We'll be so happy when he's home for good.

He starts working at the armory full time when he gets back which is an answer to prayer. We are so excited!

Pink is my favorite!

I just couldn't resist posting this picture. I got some of Jenna's Christmas money out to buy her a few new outfits. She just needed a few things to get us through the rest of the winter. I found this dress on sale at Khol's for $6! I couldn't pass it up. She wore leggings under it and she looked adorable! It's so fun dressing a little girl everyday. Pink is my favorite!

We miss you, Nathan!

A dear friend of ours passed away last night. Nathan Andrew Smith. He was 27. I don't even know where to start to tell you about the kind of person he was. Genuine. If I could use only one word that would be it. He went peacefully and he is at home with the Lord. He finally has new lungs and is breathing deep with no pain. We'll see him again one day. We miss you, Nate! RIP Nathan took me to my Jr. prom. We had a blast. A night I'll never forget with such a great friend.

Baby Update

We went to the doctor today. Carson is doing great! He weighs 1 pound 3 ounces. My placenta is still low but good news...its moving up slowly! Another ultrasound in 4 weeks! Wahoo! (I am 23 weeks!!)

Bathtime

Since Jenna could sit up she has been using a blow up bath "duck" that we set in the bathtub. It worked out so great for us but we finally got rid of it. She has almost outgrown it and it was so hard to keep clean. She took a bath in the "big girl" tub at our house for the first time this week. She's taken one in my mom's BIG tub but never at our house. She loved it! She stayed in there forever just playing and talking and singing.

New Years

On New Years Eve, we went to Josh and Sheri's(Matt's brother and sister in law). They invited a few friends over. We ate pizza and lots of snacks, played games, and watched football. I tried to take a CUTE picture of Jenna with a Happy New Year hat on but she has been sick and the pictures looked pitiful. We couldn't stay until midnight because Jenna was exhausted. Jenna and I went home around 11. I watched the ball drop and went to sleep. Matt rode with one of his friends that's a County Officer. They had an exciting night. Way to bring in the new year! :)

Family in town

Melanie, Tommy, Uncle Jerry and Aunt Jerri came into town this past week. It was the the 3rd weekend in a row we got to see them. That never happens! It was great. We did a lot of eating, shopping, and playing games. The only way to show it is with pictures...

Christmas Day

On Christmas Day after we did our little family Christmas, we went to Matt's mom's house. We ate lots and lots of food!!! We opened lots and lots of presents! Jenna liked pushing her cousin Hailey in the swing.Then we went to my Grandmother's house for dinner. She tried a new recipe that was so good. She said she'll never make it again but I thought it was wonderful. We opened presents and had a great time. Jenna and Brant enjoyed playing together. As you can see, we are still working on the whole sharing thing!